Be Nice, Be Polite

This is a Japanese folktale that I learned from another teller a number of years ago. I've never seen a written version, although I imagine there must be one.

In this story we meet a kind, thoughtful, graceful, submissive Japanese woman of the marrying age, which, at the time, was probably 15. Her parents were very happy when she received an offer of marriage from the parents of a young man in their village. His family was among the wealthiest in the town. A match of this caliber would insure their daughter's future and happiness.

At least that's the plan.

Fortunately for our tale, the young man also had a reputation as being obnoxious, rude, boastful, conceited, boorish.......keep going until you run out of the worst personal qualities.

Unfortunately for our kind-hearted young woman, life with this man as her husband was promising to be difficult and without joy. That is, until they found out they were going to have their first child.

Now our young mother-to-be felt joy and lightness. A child to raise and experience the happiness of life with....until it occurred to her that this child might be more like her husband than herself. The possibility of another of his ilk in her home, dominating her life was more than she could bear. And so, taking the advice of the local wise woman, she performed a ritual all the while she was pregnant to insure that the baby would inherit her grace and kindness.

At this point, I ask myself, 'what situations in my home, my community and my world have I accepted despite knowing that they don't fulfill me or even offer the circumstances in which I might be fulfilled?' 'How often do I resort to hopeful rituals, sometimes without knowing they cannot bring about my desired result?' You see, in this story the desired outcome arrives...sort of.....but neither she, nor her husband, live to see it since it takes 50 or 60 years!

Belief, and hope, and desire are all important components of my life, but must be balanced with genuine action. I look at my choices now, with this awareness in mind. I'll probably even keep a few of the hopeful rituals, while integrating genuine action. I'll probably find, along the way, that the balance shifts and sways with the circumstances of my life, and once in a while things might even turn out the way I want them to.

Most of the time, things will go the way which brings me a deeper experience of life - it won't always feel good, it won't always look pretty. I like that - it makes the other times even prettier and it gives depth to my experiences that I wouldn't necessarily seek out myself.